Why did the scarecrow get a prize? He stood out in his field.
Have you heard about the guy who created Lifesavers? He made a mint.
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Why did the computer visit the doctor? It caught a bug.
Why are cows always broke? Farmers drain them dry.
I lay awake all night wondering where the sun went… then it dawned on me.
Why don't oysters give to charity? They're a little shellfish.
I hurt my finger last week, but on the bright side, I’m okay.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Why do bees have sticky hair? They use honeycombs.
I know many jokes about retirees… but none of them work.
Why can't your nose reach 12 inches long? It would become a foot.
You can't beat a boiled egg for breakfast.
Why did the police arrest the belt? It was holding up a pair of pants.
I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.
Why did the picture end up in jail? Someone framed it.
Why don't graveyards get too full? People are dying to get in.
Why was the stadium so hot? Because all the fans left.
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
