Marriage boils down to texting "Do we need anything from the store?" back and forth until death do you part.
A spotless house points to a broken internet connection.
My wife asked me to quit imitating a flamingo. I stood my ground.
Every fuming woman has a clueless man behind her who can't figure out what he did wrong.
People claim money talks... mine just waves as it leaves.
Marriage teaches you loyalty, patience, understanding, and self-control.
I suggested my wife should embrace her mistakes... she gave me a hug.
The key to a happy marriage stays... a mystery.
Alcohol won't fix your problems. But milk won't either.
Why do married folks live longer? They can't argue if they're dead.
Don't mock your wife's choices. You're one of them.
Love is blind... but marriage opens your eyes real quick.
A balanced diet means you've got a cookie in each hand.
I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said "Diamonds would make me the happiest." So I got her nothing.
Life is short. Show your teeth while you still have them.
My husband thinks I'm nuts, but at least he's not the one who said "I do" to me.
A great man often has a woman behind him rolling her eyes.
When you fail at first... try doing it how your wife suggested.
Men tie the knot hoping their wives stay the same. Women get married hoping their husbands will change. Both end up let down.
Divorce costs so much because it's worth the price.
