I’m allergic to mornings.
If there was an award for laziness, I’d send someone to pick it up for me.
My alone time is for everyone’s safety.
Life’s too short for matching socks.
I don’t trip—I do random gravity checks.
I pretend to work; they pretend to pay me.
I’m not clumsy—I’m just gravity tested.
My bed is calling and I must go.
Don’t worry if plan A fails—there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
